F*%^@ing COOKIE spread (vegan, gluten-free)!

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Hello, folks! Just a quick post today before I escape my parents’ house. The holidays can be a bit of a funny time for me. Sometimes being surrounded by my immediate family sets off a bit of my anxious tendencies. I love them, but I sometimes feel like I don’t belong with them.

A bit heavy?

Okay, let’s lighten up a bit.

My partner and I have always found this video really, really funny. Sometimes he’d randomly send me texts saying, “IT’S MADE OUT OF F*%#IN’ COOKIES!”

Biscoff Spread actually IS vegan, and I was totally prepared to buy some for him for Christmas (it’s not readily available in Canada, but you can buy it online). Instead, what I did was one step beyond: I made my own.

(Of course I made my own).

And, I mean, this is chocolate chip. So, it’s basically cookie spread on the “next level,” as they say.

Here’s what I used — yeah, I didn’t make my own cookies. But you have to understand: how could I make my own cookies and then not eat them?! Plus, I don’t know how to make a good, crispy cookie, and you definitely need a crispy one for this.

  • Two boxes Mary’s gluten-free chocolate chip cookies (makes about two cups crushed)
  • One can full-fat coconut milk
  • 1/2 cup coconut sugar
  • 1/2 stick Earth Balance butter
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
  1. Pour the coconut milk into a medium-sized saucepan and set on medium-high. Stir with a whisk to combine the thick, fatty part with the milk.
  2. As it heats, in a food processor, process the cookies a handful at a time and set into a bowl.
  3. Add the coconut sugar and stir thoroughly.
  4. (Keep grindin’ those f&@(%in’ cookies!)
  5. Add the half-stick of EB. Stir to combine.
  6. Keep stirring until the milk has a more syrupy consistency, like caramel spread.
  7. When the liquid has reached the desired consistency, pour in the bowl gradually to combine with your cookie crumbs. I initially doubled the recipe for the liquid and ended up wasting a great deal of it, but you might still have too much. Only use as much as will bind the crumbs together. Stir to combine with a fork. Lick the fork.
  8. Cover bowl and let cool for 1 hr.
  9. Remove from fridge. There may be a bit of liquid settled at the bottom. Drain said liquid. It wasn’t going to do you much good anyway.
  10. Transfer to a mason jar. Give to someone or keep it to yourself. Enjoy it on toast. Or just eat the whole damn thing.

I’m not here to tell you what to do.

Anyway, we enjoyed that a great deal on Christmas Eve morning before going to our respective parents’ houses. Let’s just say it brought out the jerky little kids in us.

Merry Christmas, bloggies!


About breerodymantha

Proud Canadian. Long arms. Tiny head. Big dreams. CBC. Longboards. Bicycles. Upper Jarvis. Ballet. Acrobatics. Top-roping. Stemming. Smearing. Lip balm. Early mornings. Double-layered socks. Tea time.
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